Effective communication is crucial between couples because it helps develop a deeper understanding and continues to build on the foundation of trust. Anger management classes can assist in helping couples work through challenges by learning skills such as identifying triggers and learning healthy communication skills. In this blog, we will focus on the role of communication in anger management for couples.
Communicating effectively involves being able to express your thoughts and feelings. However, actively listening to your partner’s perspective plays an important role too. By learning these skills, couples will display less destructive patterns and begin working toward a sense of understanding and conflict resolution. Here are some communication skills you can begin implementing in your relationship to manage anger and strengthen your relationship.
Three Strategies for Helpful Communication
- Use of “I” statements: Instead of using accusatory words and statements such as “You never help me around the house”, try re-framing the language by using an “I” statement to express what you are feeling. For example, “I am feeling overwhelmed with the chores around the house and could really use your help”. This way, you are not accusing your partner – leading them to become defensive. Rather, you are helping your partner understand your perspective of what you are feeling and asking what sort of help you would like from them.
- Practice Active Listening: To actively listen means to truly understand the meaning behind what your partner is telling you. This can also include the emotion behind the words/phrases being used. When you use active listening, you are letting your partner know that you are present and committed to understanding what they are communicating to you. One way to help you practice active listening is to be clear from any distractions such as cell phones or loud settings. Next, try not to interrupt your partner while they are speaking. Keep eye contact and listen to try to understand what they are saying rather than thinking of ways to respond to them. This phrase brings me to our final point. Listening with the intention of understanding.
- Listen to Understand Each Other: Sometimes, arguments between couples can lead to more confusion and anger due to misunderstandings. Feeling misunderstood in an argument can lead to increased anger and aggression between couples. Usually, when a couple is having a conflict or argument that is not reaching a resolution, it is because the level of understanding of one another’s perspectives is missing. As frustration and anger increase in a conflict, we begin to start thinking of ways to respond to our partner with the purpose of “winning the argument” rather than finding a mutually satisfactory solution stemming from understanding and compassion. Also, we may begin to have mind-reading behaviors such as predicting what our partner is thinking or will say – leading to more hurt and conflict. These patterns are unhealthy and destructive to the relationship. To break this cycle, focus on a shift toward listening to your partner. Ask them clarifying and open-ended questions to help them feel understood and validated. To start, acknowledge their emotions and paraphrase what your partner is saying to display a level of understanding and connection such as, “I can see how that would make you upset, can you tell me more about how you are feeling and how I can help you”.
By practicing these skills, couples can work toward problem-solving more healthily by creating a safe space for open communication. If you are finding it difficult to manage your anger or unhealthy communication style – seek professional help from a couples therapist with a background in anger management. Here at Anger Management 818, we offer Anger Management courses catered to couples and relationships. We offer anger management classes in multiple locations including Glendale, Sherman Oaks, and Woodland Hills. Reach out today to learn more and find the class that works for you.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
Rita Akhian, AMFT#142256 is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Avedian Counseling Center offering individual, couples, and family therapy in Sherman Oaks and Glendale. Rita works under the licensed supervision of Chrys Gkotsi, LMFT #113638.
