Self Regulation

According to Daniel Goleman, a well known psychologist and the author of the book emotional intelligence, there are 4 key components of social intelligence. self awareness , self Regulation, social skill and empathy.

One of the main areas that continues to come up in Anger management is the concept of self regulation. It is defined as a the management of impulses and behaviors. It is also the adaptability to uncomfortable situations. According to an article written by Arlin Cuncic, on how to practice self regulation, he defines is well as “controlling one’s behavior, emotions, and thoughts in the pursuit of long-term goals.”

Self regulation is something most of us do, subconsciously without thinking, and we never quite take the time to think about it. But when we do lack it in one situation or another, then we know something needs to be improved in that regard.

Here are a few strategies I found to help improve self regulation.

  1. Mindfulness – I know this has been used and over used in our culture today, but your awareness of what happens moment to moment can help alot with delayed gratification and overall emotional management.
  2. Another way we can improve on self regulation is by changing our thought patterns, which is called cognitive reappraisal. This includes thinking of situations in an adaptive way, being less centered about the self and seeing problems as an opportunity to grow. It can also mean an evaluation on how we can improve ourselves after facing especially difficult situations.
  3. Acceptance and problem solving. Most times we ruminate so much on difficult situations and it can be unhealthy. Some negative ways people can handle situations is either by avoidance, distraction and worrying, so avoid these by accepting the situation and working towards either solving the problem if possible.  


  1. YOU HAVE A CHOICE on how to respond and react to a situation.
  2. There are 3 options to how one can respond to a situation, either by approaching it, avoiding it or attacking it. So choose wisely.
  3. The benefits of self regulation are that it increases resiliency, and sharpens our emotional intelligence.
  4. Think forward – How does one learn from a situation?  become a better person.
  5. Last but not least, remember that one cannot make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. So seek counsel, sleep on some ideas before making a decision, make sure you are calm before making any major decisions, and also, it is ok to ask for/ take some time to think about something, before making any commitments, whether big or small.

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